How often I wonder, I write stories and poetry but what value does it have for people who take the pain of reading me? What is the value addition? I agree it is my comfort zone but its time to put my foot and try other shoes. Fiction is often cloaked in layers (my fiction is superbly cloaked). It was my tool as an introvert. I used to express with fiction which were little codes to my heart.
However, the days of cloaking are gone long back. Someone, recently told me that I am very open as a person. I took it as a compliment, a cool compliment at that and when I thought later in the night, yes, I did open up.
As a person who studied psychology and has been very empathetic from the very beginning, it is natural that I can dissect people's mind better than many. We live in a place, in a society where introverts are considered weird, dumb or if someone is kind enough then different. It may lead to major cases of bully and erosion of self confidence in a young person (teenager). Extroverts or Ambiverts are the cooler lots.
The other day a lady came to my brother with her son's Smartphone, it was giving some trouble. My brother quietly took it and fixed the problem and returned it with a quiet smile. The lady said to my mother, "Your child is very quiet and calm." Trust me she had to hear it a zillion times thanks to both her kids. I mean, what do people expect us. You are elder to me, I do not know you that well, should I crack jokes and jump around you?
Who does that?
My Mom used to get worried when people used to come to her and say that your children are so quite that they cannot do a thing in life. It used to bother her a little at the beginning but when we started doing OK in our lives she was not bothered.
Let us move to introverts and what goes in their head:
- Most of the introverts have as many words and cool ideas that an extrovert has it but they think a lot before saying it out.
- If your child speaks less, it is probably that he or she listens more. They wait for a time to speak out and seldom interrupt others. You can distinguish them with their steady and clear construction of sentence. It is because they have processed it all in their head before speaking out.
- Introverts have a world of their own and my think of distant future. Day dreaming is one of the favorite habit. Most of them will have a passion.
- My brother has different passions all his life. There was time he was in flag designing and he created some two hundred fifty flags in a span of six months.
- It is evident that most of the times their brain will think more than others. It is a fact from the greatest saints to greatest dictators to the worst of humanity all talked less and observed more.
- Introverts speak better in twos and remain silent in groups while just listening. They listen and patiently wait for their turn. They have a reply and opinion for everything they listen. It is no wonder most of the creative people talk less.
- They will hesitate to say the first hello. "What if he or she does not recognize me?" is their line of thought. The second is, "Oh, I am in no mood of talks, let's avoid saying hi and move covertly."
- You can never believe an introvert when he or she answers your "What's up in life?" with a "nothing much" they can have the most happening life, but do not want to consume energy by describing it. Well alternative, it can be true but you never know.
- Most of them can be more perceptive than you think and can observe and dissect you while you never notice. They can be opinionated, you know this is what happens when you refer "the other you" constantly (kidding).
It is another misconception that an introvert child may be you know not very intelligent. I have been accused of being "slow" or "dumb" by people who have met me just once as a kid. Now every introvert may not be a thinker and many of them do not speak just out of hesitation. You need that extra dose of observation for introvert child:
- He or she keeps engaged in one or the other thing. They are studying or doing something. Let them be themselves.
- Your child was chirpy but has suddenly become an introvert. Check it then. It can be anything from a heart break to possible sexual assault. Talk to them, be patient and do not judge or be harsh if they have done a mistake.
- No matter how introvert your child is, he or she will respond to you when you interact. Monitor the regular pattern and notice any dip in it.
- Track the academic calendar of your child. He or she need not to top the class but should be consistent in behavior and academics. Meet the teacher and ask about the general behavior. A balanced introvert will get positive feedback from the teacher.
- At times tension in the family makes a child withdrawn. Avoid fights in front of your child especially if he or she is introvert. Remember you are the only place to confide do not spoil it.
- Introvert is not equal to innocent. Try and notice the body language minutely. Never assume, actually never assume about people. Whenever I assumed about someone my assumptions fell on their face.
- If your child speaks less but throws fits and tantrums or goes in a rage spree, it is high time to consult a psychologist.
- If your child has imaginary friends then monitor to what extent? As a child I used to create stories around my dolls and played with them. I taught them, had tea with them. However, when my brother came in that thing disappeared. I imagine a lot but then will prefer humans to play with. I never had any trouble playing with neighborhood kids. If the child prefers to be in imagination and has a tough time adjusting to others then it is of concern.
|All in a day's play|
- Children, have a natural tendency to blend with each other. There will be times when you place two kids and the less spoken one will be intuitively playing without creating a scene. If the child starts crying or screaming without any provocation and generally keeps calm, it is time you should consult an expert.
Introversion is a boon but then at times people feel left out. They have ideas but do not express them. However, there are ways you can put introversion to your favour and win people. I will continue with this bit in my next part.
Well, there is always ways to improve. The topic is so vast that I am bound to miss out on some.
Tell me your experience with introversion and the problems we can discuss and solve.
Correct me where I may fumble and its the best compliment for me.
Do share your thoughts.
Image Credits: Canva and The internet
The Pic with "Datta Ghosh" belongs to the author. :)